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(.deny your maker.)

[12 Dec 2003|05:39pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]

hello all. katy's here and we're trying to figure out what to do. kristin and hilary are suppose to be here already (grr, LOL) but kristin feels guilty because she hasn't hung out with brad for awhile. trying to devise evil plan...mmf. katy says: kristin needs to goto the party tomorrow nite after her sisters party...rar...katy's also having trouble with laura meier. i think laura's reason for getting all pissy at katy's really pointless. but whatever. has to do with katy's ex, ryan, rotc, and laura's older sister. very annoying anyway.

we look sexxxy. jesuschrist yeah. woowee.

(2 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[09 Dec 2003|05:19pm]
[ mood | sick ]

ugh. am sick like a monkey. started feeling bad after school (i mean really bad) and the last 24 hours have been filled with these strange in and out of daze things. like, sometimes i think i'm asleep when i'm awake and vice versa. it's been so weird. lots of sneezing and coughing. and i have so much homework to catch up on. i'd much rather be at school than here. blllahhh.

(2 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[06 Dec 2003|01:19pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

had awesome time last night. kristin, katy and i went to the mall to get ideas for xmas presents. mom said heather wanted make up, so i found this adorable pack of lip glosses that would be perfect. then, my mom tells me that she wants a CD. so i have to go get her a CD. also, my dad's incredibly hard to shop for. will get him leather gloves.

so highlights of mall...kristin played the piano (she's...wow...jesuschrist wow), we were stalked, i got hit on by the guy at forever 21 (he was a cutie, LOL), i obsessed over the tanzanite jewelry while looking for a pair of earrings for mom, and for dinner, i had a chocolate malt.

then...the cpc spent the night at kristin's. kristin and hilary made a retarded movie and filmed me while i was sleeping, we hoarded food, talked, had a pillow fight (sorry i knocked you on your butt, katy!) and kristin braided my hair in this cute little way. we had a great time. hellyeah.

don't wanna go to nathaniel's party because ambria's not going. have to go to charity thing. picked out shirt from forever 21 to wear to that. now i have to deal with my hair. ahhh.

(1 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[03 Dec 2003|05:11pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

as usual: mmf. the cute guy that i made eye contact with is named brandon. he's in hilary's math class, which means he's probably very smart. ooo good. sick of retarded boyfriends. hilary and i stayed after for french club (partitives baby, yeah) and then sat around and ate m&ms and did our hw and gushed about how beautiful mitch's eyes are. wow, i sound like such a stalker. will stop that. hell, this whole entry has been about cuties.

onto more important things...LOL. am pissed off because i don't get to exempt an exam. i have all a's except in math where it's a 79.2%. if i just had that .3, i could have exempted something. oh well. they're just finals and i will, for sure, be able to exempt next semester's. it's just all the hype. "i don't know what to exempt, history or biology!!" like i give a damn! i'm probably just bitter because ambria and i are the only kids in our honors classes that don't get to exempt. but oh well. if anything, finals'll boost my grades.

hilary told me that in cls2, they get to do research on anything relating to world history. if i got in (and not to sound snobbish, but i could. it's the persistance that i'd have trouble with, LOL), i'd do something like "jesus, the holy grail, and other biblical mysteries". it'd be so great. then i could use to it get a major in theology! very awesome.

we all know that's never going to happen. but it's fun pretending.

(.deny your maker.)

[02 Dec 2003|05:42pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

got nails done. look good. can't go to nathanial's party because of stupid children's miracle network thing. went to it last year. bad food and annoying little kiddies. maybe will meet cutie. mmf. probably not. ugh, don't want to go. think i need glasses. will get coloured contacts. will get grey. maybe blue. you know blonde hair blue eyes. maybe not. sat with midget at lunch today. yes, the midget. he's ok. hung out with maggie and her friends for awhile. eric swornson (who has a gf), ambria, and i were in a group for analyzing political cartoons. woowee. too bad he has a gf. oh well. will find someone else. will not be a homewrecker. ooo. nails smell reaaally bad. smell like nail care place. eww.

(.deny your maker.)

[30 Nov 2003|06:14pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

mmf. ate and slept and read and played AOK. thought about xmas presents. feeling miserable and hungry. miss ms. welbon and aunt sue for some reason. if i ever write a novel, i'm dedicating it to them. wow, getting too sentimental. hate writing pointless stuff like that. last entries were nothing but really retarded rambling. mmf. some people are really dense.

(.deny your maker.)

[30 Nov 2003|12:40am]
[ mood | crushed ]

WannaBeMe273: holy crap jen im so jealous of u
WannaBeMe273: u have face body brains
FaeryConcubine: i have nothing if i'm not happy with myself!

you know what really interests me? is that...i wrote something in my little brainchild awhile ago that totally popped out of nowhere. my philosphy on life is something like this: you can't change your fate, but you can always look for understanding. i totally wrote that into my brainchild not knowing that i would actually use it one day.

i now know what it feels like to find out that something has been a lie. it's so surreal, you know? but i don't feel like a fool. this is what happens when you safely stick with cynicsm and bitterness. if you lower your standards enough, nothing bad ever happens to you. and that is just the saddest and most foolish thing to do. but i do it.

a couple days ago, my mom said i had a "hardness about me" that made it hard for me to interact with other people. and now, although i can be really bubbly and happy and laid-back, there will always be that bitterness in me. it bothers me. no one ever calls me amazing. because i'm not.

now i'm in self-pity. and i hate people feeling bad for me. i just do. so i was watching the "oprah" with jacqueline saburido as a guest and i remember her from that drunk driving video. on the show, she said she only allowed herself five minutes to feel sorry for herself. jesuschrist i've been feeling bad for myself a lot lately. more than five fucking minutes.

i just want to be beautiful, ya know?

(.deny your maker.)

[29 Nov 2003|11:14pm]
[ mood | bitter and angry and sad ]

figured out what's wrong with me. didn't even need a fucking shrink. alright. with the ex boyfriend dating the best friend thing:

it's all my pride and vanity speaking. think of it. john dumped me for a really stupid and inconsiderate reason. then, he makes out with my best friend a week--two weeks later. still with me? now here's the thing: i never really liked him. so why am i feeling so empty? because he waited a fucking year to kiss me. just kiss me. like in the movies. the damn hollywood endings. and tonight he makes out with my friend. i don't know what it is. it's irony for one thing. something just bashed my pride in this unexplainable way. don't you think you need a little time to recover?

it's like he blew me off like i was a nobody.
jesuschrist i want to be somebody.

(.deny your maker.)

[29 Nov 2003|10:35pm]
[ mood | empty ]

haha wow. "elf" was such an adorable movie. but the real fun was with kristin and hilary. you know those two-seaters for couples or something? we all managed to sit in those and we were acting retarded the whole time. it was fucking hilarious. before that, we ended up going to ruby tuesdays. i got these awesome quasidillas and we all just had a great time. lots and lots of fun.


(.deny your maker.)

[29 Nov 2003|03:03pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

hmm going to see "elf" with everyone. hopefully will be fun this time. mmf.

(2 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[28 Nov 2003|04:28pm]
[ mood | angry ]

wow, totally forgot. wed. night: sucked like a fucking monkey. the first part was alright (running for the chocolate store and almost killing ourselves) was OK. but then we had to actually see the movie. ryan was there which made everything awkward. i don't care what katy says about awkwardness. yeah ryan was there. but it doesn't help that katy's gonna be making out with my ex tomorrow night. oh well. i never liked him that much. did i?

"timeline" was such a piece of shit. i'm sorry, but it was! none of the acting was good and it practically parodied archeologists and the middle ages! why, anna freid, WHY? you are better than that. everyone, go rent "braveheart" or "the passion of joan of arc". please. save yourself.

sat through the whole movie just staring out into space while everyone else had a great time. hmph. will never do that again.

am i antisocial? "idealism is a choice. cyncism is not a smarter choice, but it's safer."

(2 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[28 Nov 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | bitter ]

hmm so thanksgiving. nothing but the same old. belinda and her husband who looks like ray ramano's twin came over. belinda's awesome and she was born in puerto rico so she has this cool accent. hmph. wish i had an accent, LOL. aunt sue, uncle steve, and david (who was in "she's all that") didn't come. which sucks because they're my favourite relatives, LOL. aunt sue's mansion's finished. we saw pictures and it looks really pretty. will probably go visit it this summer. watched the south park movie and my taping of "ladyhawke" before falling asleep. finished heretic. it's the last in the series which is depressing, but it gives me a sense of completion, ya know? onto king arthur series.

woke up, ate some pie, rented "28 days later". i was hungry, but i couldn't eat anything during that movie. you know me and my little apocolypse obsession. hmph. cool movie, anyway. keep thinking back to black plague. think of it...if that plague wouldn't have wiped out 1/3 of the population, a lot of things would be different. europe would be a desert, for one thing (anne rice "servant of the bones"--go read it). people thought it was god punishing them. only later did they realize it was just rats. will probably write something about black plague as am so obsessed with middle ages, the apocolypse, and sociology. wow, what a nerd.

don't know what i have planned for weekend. was going to see a movie with bonnie, becky, and jordan tonight, but i'm not sure. oh well. i need to write anyway.

i'm buying the "28 days later" soundtrack. jesuschrist yeah.

(1 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[27 Nov 2003|12:37pm]
happy thanksgiving!</i>

(.deny your maker.)

[24 Nov 2003|10:23pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

spiffed up LJ. coach style, baby, yeah.

nothing much to update on. sam baker's an awesome kid for some reason. elijah (john's friend) got beat up today by a hoard of seniors and he's getting a nose job. poor elijah. katy likes john now, and i have absolutely no objections. my heretic book comes today. i feel like a retard. oo, story is coming along nicely, also. will write to poohba and then take notes of chp 7 of the great gatsby. awesome book.

(2 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[22 Nov 2003|06:49pm]
[ mood | happy ]

wow, i just got back from the trivoli with hilary! it was awesome. the french movie was ok (we saw "the flower of evil"), but it was the expirience. after the movie, we only went shopping for a half an hour but we went in this totally fun store with "jesus action figures" and "mofo soap" (hilary got it as an xmas gift for pat). we called katy but she wasn't home. oh well. we're all planning to go down to the loop and go shopping before xmas.

new people moved in across the street and that means new babysitting oppertunities.

(.deny your maker.)

[21 Nov 2003|08:59pm]
[ mood | excited ]

haha john and i broke up. but i don't care!! lalalala!!!

i'm not trying to deny it or anything. personally, i never really liked him. maybe it'll work out in the future. so i am single again.

but it doesn't matter because my library notice of heretic came today and i'm picking it up tomorrow</i> YAYYYY!!!!!! yay for good things like that!

(1 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[19 Nov 2003|04:56pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

i will do something with my life. i will do something with my life. i will do something with...

went to the library with katy last night. she had to do something for her english class and i had to...find books and copy her "after WWI" map, LOL. i almost freaked out because heretic wasn't due back till december. god, it was so sad. almost spazzed. "DECEMBER!!?? DECEMBER MY ASS I WANT IT NOW!" well the librarian is e-mailing me when it comes back. so take that in your pipe and smoke it. hah.

felt very pretty today. apparently, john is worried that i'm neglecting him. ooo, better call him LOL. feel very much like the man in the relationship.

also, i read ahead in the great gatsby and it was a wonderful, wonderful book! usually, i'm not into "american classics" and whatnot, but i absolutely loved it! we had to get parts in this class project thing. and the part of daisy is split between me and this other chick. so yay for me.

south park and the oc are on tonight! yay for good tv.

(1 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[16 Nov 2003|07:57pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

watched at least 5 hours of the "queer eye for the straight guy" marathon today and then braveheart. it's such a sad, sad life. induldged in leftover candy and eddy's chocolate chip and cookie dough ice cream. that puts the whip cream on top.

everyone sounded like they had such a wonderful, interesting weekend. i sat on my ass all weekend doing absolutely nothing progressive but learning stuff about tamerlane and how to accent a bedroom. i swear...

i think i'm going to go victoria's secret on my bedroom. inspired by the dressing rooms. ultra-femme light pink with a dark, dark brown and accented with possibly white. it'll be great.

i feel so blah and distant right now. i dunno like...whatever. mmf.

(1 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[14 Nov 2003|05:21pm]
[ mood | blah ]

hmm. can't do anything tonight as i have to babysit heather. was going to go to zeena's party with katy, but oh well. sigh. am very angry about my progress report grade. the thing is, there are only about 4 things there so there isn't very many points. shit. will try not to think about that.

katy and ryan broke up. kristin and i are going to kill him and cut up his body into a million pieces and put those in moscow, rennes, south africa, cambodia, and bristol. and it will be great. watch for me on the news! LOL.

(1 .wasted. | .deny your maker.)

[13 Nov 2003|04:29pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

woah. i've been sick for awhile. for one thing, i've had stomach aches constantly and then there was that little bit of me falling down my stairs. yes the same set of stairs i've been going down for ten years. i lost my footing and hurt my bum real bad. oh well, i got to miss a day of school.

i don't really feel like writing anything else. feel a bit sick again.

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